|
“If
you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
- George Carlin |
“Fighting
for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
- George Carlin |
|
“The
reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I
accept.”
- George Carlin |
“Those
who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”
- George Carlin |
|
“The
planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
- George Carlin |
“Here's
all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid.
And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
- George Carlin |
|
“Have
you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone
going faster than you is a maniac?”
- George Carlin |
“That's
why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe
it.”
- George Carlin |
|
“The
main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls
live.”
- George Carlin |
“I
like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the
concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
- George Carlin |
|
“life
is a zero sum game.”
- George Carlin
|
“Never
underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Carlin |
|
“Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find
one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”
- George Carlin |
“Men
are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
- George Carlin |
|
“Think
of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider
than that.”
- George Carlin |
“No
one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“I
don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”
- George Carlin |
“Just
when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“May
the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
- George Carlin |
“I
knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary”
- George Carlin
|
|
“I do
this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a
very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”
- George Carlin |
“I
don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as
suggestions.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“I
went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help
section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
- George Carlin |
“I
love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“He -
and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or
would ever fuck things up this badly.”
- George Carlin |
“In
America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“Scratch
any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”
- George Carlin |
“One
thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same
thing. Ask an addict.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“Some
people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”
- George Carlin |
“Whoever
coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“Think
of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider
than that.”
- George Carlin
|
“Have
you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?”
- George Carlin
|
|
“A
house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
- George Carlin
|
“No
comment” is a comment.
- George Carlin
|
|
"I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole
meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third
grade."
- George Carlin
|
"Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s
because at the moment they’re not actually dying."
- George Carlin
|
|
“Honesty
may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by
elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
- George Carlin
|
“I
think I am, therefore, I am. I think.”
- George Carlin
|
|
“If
it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say
that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
- George Carlin
|
“I
don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from
heights.”
- George Carlin
|
